I QUIT!!!!

For a long time now, I have been putting up with my store “manager” at work. I say “manager” in quotes because she doesn’t manage, she nitpicks. I have taken her flack for far too long, trying to think of ways to deal with it. Today, I snapped. I was on grill with a full screen, and she wants to come nag me about getting orders out “on time” (2:45) when I have a grill full of meat waiting to cook that takes roughly 8 minutes for one patty, start to finish. She then noticed that I had no meat in the chili. It’s not hard, grind up some meat and put it in. But no, she has to chew me out for that too. I’ll spare you my profanity, but I basically told her I’m tired of being treated like a 2 year old. Her response? “What do you expect?” EXCUSE me? What do I expect?? I expect that you don’t have a Holier-Than–Thou attitude, thinking you can do no wrong, and that everyone else around you has something you can criticize. I expect that you treat me like a professional and I’ll treat YOU like a professional. (Isn’t it funny how that works?) I basically flipped the hellllll out, screaming throughout my store “I’m not taking your ****** **** any more, I’m tired of being your **** 2 year old to ***** baby sit! **** you, and stick this **** job up your *****”! I seriously have no idea what the hell came over me, but I hit her. I have never, NEVER hit anyone in my LIFE! I slapped the hell out of her somewhere, her arm, her back, whatever. I had no intention to, it was just something deep inside that came out with a vengenance. WOW everyone in lobby looked shocked. HA. I’ve been very tempted to change the sign with something like “My boss cheats soldiers” too, but I’m not going to go there, since the DM and AM compensated me for days that I lost due to her discrimination against me being a soldier.

Anyway, I stormed out, then like an idiot, remembered I left my stuff in the store. I went back to get it, whipped my apron over the counter, and grabbed my stuff. As I was leaving, I thought I heard her say something like “I didn’t expect” I cut her off with “No! You didn’t *** expect me to take this **** for this long!! You didn’t expect me to keep being treated like the 2 year old you think I am! (though perhaps I was acting a bit like one ) etc. etc. etc. I stormed out a second time, and drove home. I had to stop repeatedly to take some deep breaths because I was speeding even worse than I normally do.

But…

NOW I AM FREE!!!!!

I am free from my wicked stepmother and the hellish job she lords over! She can keep it for all I care! The baby and I don’t need such negativity in our lives! I am FREE from her stress, her nagging, her complete ineptitude!! What a great day, though rather emotionally exhausting.

Hooah!

Wow, it’s been a long time since I’ve been able to post. As you know, I’ve been away at Fort Jackson for the past 10 weeks, 1 week in reception doing in-processing, and the other 9 weeks doing Basic Training.  I’ve kept a journal of all my adventures throughout the process, I’ll try to share bits and pieces as I go, but I only get a limited time on the computer, and we all wait for access, so you’ll have to bear with me to be fair to my fellow soldiers.

 April 12th: Ship day! I’ve taken the Arms test today and barely made it! The step felt a lot higher than what I’m used to.  I didn’t know there was a maximum body fat % to take the test, I almost didn’t make it! 37% fat is a No-go, they turn you around and ship you home.  They calculated my fat at 36.4%! I just kept singing “The Touch” from the Transformers movie, and I recited the Soldier’s Creed to get me through. 

 April 19th Day 1 BCT: Welcome to Alpha! The barracks are a lot nicer over here, and I don’t have to deal with Coakley’s bitchy attitude in my platoon! Woooo, thank you Jesus! She’s still in the barracks though, but it’s all right.  I’ve been assigned to a top bunk, which I’m not sure if I like or not yet. At least people keep their shit off my bunk! I cried today because a fellow soldier cried during his introduction. It really made me think of Tim, and I just wanted to hold him right then. We did the obstacle course today which was fun, but I was disappointed with myself because I couldn’t do the monkey bars. I tore a pad on my hand which hurts like hell when sanitizer is put on it. We’re learning D+C (Drill and Ceremony) today which is awesome, and PT (Physical Training) tomorrow which is gonna suck. I’m tired and need my rest, good night!

April 26th Week 2 Day 1 BCT: VICTORY TOWER!  Oh my God it was so awesome to do victory tower today! It was a lot of fun, and I did something I never though i’d be able to do, and I had a hard time with repelling which I thought I knew.  The tower had a lot of different obstacles. The only one I was worried about was the single rope spanning a gap to a smaller tower, but you don’t really need a lot of upper body strength like I previously thought, your weight pulls you along as you move your hands and keep your balance.  We tied a swiss sweat (rope harness) and repelled down the 60ft. tower to the ground.  My repelling left a lot to be desired, but I still got down ok.

 Friday April 27th Week 2 BCT: PT this morning was fun, we did some fun suicide runs with events like running backwards, and skipping.  It was funny to see the “big dog” males skip as fast as they could!  We were all laughing and having a great time, I’m glad they’re making the PT fun here.

 Saturday April 28th Week 2, Day 3 BCT:  DS (Drill Sergeant) Epperson was at toe the line (late night soldier accountability) tonight, he made the fireguards step into the kill zone (taped off area of the floor only for DSs) and sing Billy Jean at the top of their lungs! They didn’t do it, but a few other ladies helped them out, it was pretty amusing!

Friday May 4th Week 3 Day 2 BCT: Today was definitely interesting. This morning the platoon marched out to the NBC (nuclear biological chemical) chamber.  They broke us up into groups of 25 and marched us into a small dimly lit room. We were all crammed around the outside edge of the walls. The DSs came around and we had to take a deep breath, close our eyes, and say our full name, rank, and SSN. Then we cleared it, sealed it, and opened our eyes again.  Then they broke us off into groups of 5. We all had to recite the Soldier’s Creed. I got to “I will always place the mission first” until I started gagging and choking. They told us to leave, and we did, snot out our noses, arms flapping like a bird. I had a hard time breathing, but I finally got it. ^_^

Wednesday May 9th Week 3 Day 7 BCT: Today was my first time ever firing a live weapon. They said there’s very light recoil, but I felt it like crazy!  At first I yhad nice tight shot groups, but the groups ended up all over the paper. I was very frustrated, and very disappointed in myself, but I suppose BRM (Basic Rifle Marksmanship) is one of those things that you can be an expert in on paper, but hands-on is another story entirely! I was told to stop shooting for the day which to me sounded like “You’re a god-damn waste of ammo. Go sit down and shut up.”

Friday May 25th Week 6 Day 2 BCT: Wow, what an awesome day today! We woke up + had early breakfast chow @ 5:30 today, and then we headed over to 120th (reception battalion) to exchange uniforms and get our class A uniforms issued to us! We got so many things! We got the short sleeve and long sleeve shirt, slacks, a skirt, the green class A jacket, a black raincoat, PT pants, a belt and a buckle, rank pins, insignia, berets(!!!) and my personal favourite: THE AIT FITNESS JACKET!!! I’ve been waiting for-freaking-ever to get the PT jacket, I’m so glad I’ve finally got mine! It’s just really too bad that we’re not allowed to wear them until AIT   At 120th we watched all the newbies at reception as we marched into the CIIP area (Uniform Issue) We went to each station and tried things on. They made piles of things to be altered which upset me at first, I thought they wouldn’t be back for a while, but everything was back within the hour, I couldn’t believe it! If only she did bridal gowns! I was really surprised to see how good a lot of the males looked in their class As. We got to see them when we modeled for the DSs during our inspection. It’s amazing what sharp clothes can do to a person’s image!

Saturday May 26th Week 6 Day 3 BCT: What a fantastic day! It’s Memorial Day weekend, so we got yesterday, today, tomorrow, and Monday as free personal time/movie days! We had early dinner chow at 16:30 and then we marched over to the Solomon Center where we watched the Soldier’s show. We bought pop and candy as authorized by 1SG (First Sergeant) Rinehart. Everyone was happy about that.  I got a Snickers and a Pepsi. The concert was really good, it was put on by soldiers from all over the nation, and they did an excellent show. Lodge was shaking her booty all night, and the guys behind her seemed to really enjoy that! I was sitting with the guys from our platoon, we were all hootin’ and hollerin’, swaying back and forth, rocking out to songs like foxy lady, neverland, and other songs they did.  All the roadguards took their flashlights and waved them around, it was a cool idea. All in all it was a cool concert, and i’m glad we had the opportunity to go.  I never thought in a million years that I’d attend something so incredibly awesome as the Soldier’s Show at BOOT CAMP!  I guess they don’t call this place relaxin’ Jackson for nothing!

 Wednesday June 6th Week 7 Day 7 BCT: Today at the range I had a good time shooting the shit with everyone.  One of the privates came by and asked Paluch if he needed any weapon oil.  Good ol’ Paluch, he replied: “No, bite the pillow son, I’m going in dry!” I cracked up, we all nearly died from laughing!   Later he grunted, almost like a mooing cow, so I said “should I milk you or something? You sound like a damn cow!” He said “Well I only have one udder!”  XD Then he added: “Man, I haven’t been milked since I got here!”  HAHA Good ol’ Paluch, I’ll miss the hell outta him.

 Tuesday June 19th Week 9 Day 6 BCT: Oh my God, it’s almost over, I can’t believe it! I feel like i’ve lived here for so much longer than I actually have, and that I know these people much better than I actually do. Like any place, I’ll be sad to leave most of them, but glad to leave a few. Today was another long day of preparation, messing with that damn supply room and whatnot.  We got ready for our IN4, our inspection for the cycle. We set up all the bunks with out cleaned gear which took forever. At 13:00 we put on our class Bs while we awaited our inspection. The person inspecting us turned out to be none other than LTC (Lieutenant Colonel) Remigio (Ruh-MEE-gee-o), the Battalion commander. He came around and asked us all questions and whatnot, and took a look at our gear. He came around to me, and asked me my second general order. I was so extremely embarassed, I KNOW my general orders by heart, but I froze! All I could remember was “to perform my duties in a military manner”. He was nice and helped me out with “I will obey…” I finished with “I will obey my special orders and perform all my duties in a military manner”. He said “good job” and moved on. I know he’s nice, but i can’t believe I was so nervous over an inspection. I’m just glad he asked me something I knew!

Wednesday June 20th Week 9 Day 7 BCT: I can’t believe it, the last day of BCT come and gone.  Today DS Kirk said that he had things stolen from him and was threatening his whole bay (sleeping quarters) with article 15s. (A military court action you don’t want!) One of the privates showed him were access was to the office, supply room, and personal bag closet- through the ceiling!! Someone has been using our cell phones without permission, and the theif apparently stole TONS of stuff and squirreled it away in unused wall lockers. Kevlar, LBV (load bearing vests), rucksacks, GPS, oakleys, sleeping bags, E6 and E7 ranks, war ribbons, medals, army coins, all stuffed in that wall locker. To top it off, they found MY ACU backpack in there with all my stuff gone except for a ball of yarn, my knitting tools, and my Nikes. That aws all in there for some ungodly reason. I was furious to have been violated and raped so personally like that, we’re supposed to set a higher standard as soldiers. I think the worst part of it is that there are people who fought, people to earn the ribbons and medals that he took. It’s a slap in the face to the soldiers and their families that he just took them so he could he appear decorated. Apparently, he has had a hard childhood and needs some kind of recognition. Well he got it today, the MPs  cuffed him and took him away to Ft. Leavenworth. As mad as I was, I still feel badly that he’s going to prison over this. If he had truly needed anything from me, I would have done my best to help, but I just wanted him to ask permission. Never before have I ever felt so personally violated and raw inside. I hope I never feel that again.

 Thursday June 21st FAMILY DAY!!: I can’t believe family day came and went! We marched out this morning to Hilton field and walked through the woodline. Some smoke grenades exploded and we ran out to the field, formed up, and marched to the stands. On the command of “fall out” I fell out to the ramp in the stands. I stood there for a bit, searching and scanning for Tim, and I found him and waved. Tears streamed down my face as I waited for him to exit the stands so I could take him in my arms. he lifted me up, we hugged and kissed for a while, then we went to a booth and bought a Basic Training DVD that I’ve been wanting. We walked back to the barracks, I showed him the bay, we chatted until 15:15 and we walked to the Solomon Center. We were early for our 16:00 dinner, so we walked around, browsed the shop, etc. I got an A company 3-60th shirt! ^_^ We had chicken and BBQ pork for dinner, then we went outside and played mini golf. My ball was hydrophillic, and his was hydrophobic. Together the balls were named “Phil”, and “Phoebe”. After that, his parents came and started taking pictures. It was good to see them, they had a few questions about me in the military, like customs, uniform, etc. which I had fun answering. We went back to the barracks, I did my laundry, we talked to other privates, all in all a great day! I can’t wait until tomorrow so I can finally GRADUATE!! Tomorrow’s going to be a long day. I’m 95% packed up and ready to go, All I have to do is walk straight through that Parade field, and I’m golden.

 Friday June 22nd GRADUATION DAY!!!: Today is the day we’ve all been waiting for! We woke up and went to chow like usual, but we got into class Bs when we got back. We were all looking sharp if I don’t say so myself! We saw a group of “turds” (soldiers still in training) on the bus and tried yelling advice to them, but the DSs told us to shut up. We got to Hilton field, lined up and marched out to our position on the field out of step because nobody could hear anybody calling cadence. We waited while awards were handed out and whatnot, maybe 30 minutes of sweat rolling down my back and unscratchable itches.

Ode to Harmony

When I was 10 years old, I was living in Stockton Springs, Maine with my mother and my younger brother. One of the neighbours down the road a bit was a dear friend of the family’s who absolutely LOVES dogs. At the time she had a golden lab, a great dane, and a dachsund. (over the years it’s come to 5 dachsunds, but I digress.) On one of her travels through the country roads one day, she spotted a tagless stray dog caked in mud and… “horse mud”, and other such things that only a dog could lovingly appreciate. Well of course she had to help the guy, so she took him home, bathed him, maybe fed him, and took him to the local shelter. Unfortunately for the li’l guy, the shelter was jam packed full of other homeless dogs waiting for someone with love in their hearts to come rescue them. My mother’s friend then went to another shelter. It was also full. She went to one more shelter, and they had room to take him!…however if he didn’t find a home in 7 days, he would be euthanized.

My mother has never cared for animals in the home. “They scratch the doors, and marr the floors! They mess on the carpet! “They chew up your clothes, and besides, they’re too expensive! Who would care for a dog? Who would feed it? Brush it? Walk it? Bring it to the vet?”

My mother had many reasons for not liking dogs.

A day passed.

Another day passed.

5 more days passed.

Our friend went back to the shelter to see if he had been adopted yet. Alas, there he was still in the kennel, on his last day on this Earth.

On October 14th of that year, there was snow on the ground, and the air was crisp. I was just settling down to a lovely birthday dinner when there was a knocking at the door. It was my mom’s friend at the door! In she came, pulled by a force unseen due to many coats, and many hugs in all directions. Then I saw him.

“Wow!! What’s his name?” I asked, I was already familiar with the dogs of her own.

She had a huge smile across her face and joyfully exclaimed:

“You get to name him!” I thought this was a fantastic present, getting to name a dog! What an honor! She then told me “I personally call him Harmony, because of all the love and harmony that he’s brought into my house, but you don’t have to name him that if you don’t want to.” I nodded with approval and said “Harmony’s a good name.”

Then I heard something that I’ve been wishing for as many birthdays before as I can remember. “I’m glad you like him, he’s yours.”

I immediately turned to my mother for approval, permission, some acknowledgment that this either was or was not, a joke.

To my great surprise I saw her smile also.

“I thought you didn’t want to have a dog!” I said, surprised naturally! She DIDN’T want to have a dog! For years and years there were excuses carefully plotted out to foil the most articulate of “little girl questions”.

“Yeah well, when she came and showed me the dog she found, I started thinking about how nice it would be to have some company around, and he’s really sweet.”

Oh, and he WAS. Throughout the years, he’d do wonderful acts of doggie-kindness, like staying with you when he knew you were sad, or laying by you if you were sick, warming you if you were cold, or taking up most of the bed when he thought he was entitled to a good spot sometimes too! He’d chew things that would smell like you when you left, like the lid of an aspirin bottle, or a beloved toy, and he’d be hurt and angry if you accused him of something he didn’t do.

Even though he was “our dog” now, every time my mother’s friend visited, he’d yelp and bark, and scream and holler: “HELLO! I’M HERE! IT’S ME! IT’S YOU! REMEMBER ME? DO YA? HUH? HUH? HUH? HELLO? HEY!” and he would jump and kiss and yelp and bark for HOURS if we let him.

He never forgot what that wonderful woman did for him.

Throughout the years I went to college, 4 years away from my dog, and I always had a sneaking suspicion somehow, for some reason, that he would die when I was 21. And one day I got a phone call. Today, I don’t remember if it was my 19 year old younger brother, or my father, but between the two men in the house, I’ll be damned if both of their voices weren’t choked with tears.

“Harmony’s run away.” He said.

“Well I’m sure he’ll turn up, he always runs away and comes back the next morning. He’s probably just playing with the cows down the road.”

“He’s been gone for three days.”

Now the tears were in my eyes, and it was my voice that cracked. “I’ll be right there to come look for him”.

“We’ve already put up posters and looked in the woods.”

I’ll be home soon. He’s my dog, I need to go look for him.”

I drove from college to home in a little under two hours. When I got there, I marched right up to the forest, and entered the swamp at the first ravine, expecting him to pop out and say “OH here I am! I was just kidding, let’s go home.” I called, and called, and called. Then I remembered that calling his name insinuated that he was in trouble, and I was more apt to get results with a more positive approach. “WANNA GO FOR A RIDE??” I hollered in the forest. 10, 15, 20 times I called him “WANNA TREAT?” “WANNA GO FOR A WALK?” Which of course is silly, because he’s already on a walk, but you know dogs, they just like the rewards and the attention, so saying “wanna go for a walk” while on a walk will still get their tails wagging.

If I ever learned anything in school, it was this, from a fellow classmate.
“If you ever lose something, pray to St. Anthony, and he will help you find it.” I have never prayed harder in my life.

“What if he’s with another family? What if he is just lying dead in the street somewhere? What if the family who runs the cow farm finally shot him? What if he left us forever? How will he eat? Why won’t he come home?”

All I wanted was an answer. Just the uncertainty was killing me.
“Please St. Anthony, please let me find my dog. Whether he’s alive, or if he’s dead, I just want to find him. Amen.”

I marched through lots of woods that day, if it wasn’t such a terrifying occasion, it would have been a beautiful walk. I even stopped at the irritated farmer’s house to see if he had seen Harmony bullying his cattle. Unfortunately, I had no luck.

I spent the night there, as it was already late in the spring sky.
I prayed again, to whomever would listen, to please let me find my dog.

The next morning returned no results either. I don’t recall where I went that day, if I did some errands, or if I just putzed around doing nothing in particular, but when I came home my father said they had found Harmony. After all my searching and all my prayer, they had found him resting underneath a neighbour’s tree. Such a fitting place, always in the shade in places he wasn’t supposed to be. My father and my brother took some lawn chairs out to the edge of the woods, cleared a spot and planted some things. My brother dug a very large hole, something he was always very talented at. Unfortunately his talents came in very handy. We buried Harmony in that spot by the woods, with the little lawn chairs to go for a visit.

For months and months on end, all I could hear was the jingle of his collar as he’d come up the basement steps, or his soft footprints trying to sleep on my father’s warm waterbed. I told my father one day “I swear, I keep thinking I hear him coming upstairs from the basement.” You could see the tears come to his eyes as he said “I know, I do too.”